I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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