so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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