But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i came on her dog
So squirting runs in the family.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
