All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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