He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
