last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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