never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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