The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
