she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
