I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
