even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
