you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
