ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
