Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
