I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Blood and glitter go together right?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
