Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
