she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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