someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
