Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
