I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
