So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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