Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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