omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
