i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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