It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
