Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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