That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
