Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
