So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
