How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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