Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
