Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
