I'm gonna have a badass scar
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
