Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
