I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
