apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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