This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
