do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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