I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
