I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
