We're like a lot better than the average bears
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she was so not down for the gang bang
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
