GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
