Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
