He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
