i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Who died my cat blue again?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
