Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You are the jesus of drinking
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
