my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
