Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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