I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
