I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
