Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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