I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
