Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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